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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

NFL Players I Would Be Happy To Hear Have A Terrible Ass Rash That Makes It a Fucking Bitch To Wipe

1. Najeh Davenport -- With about three minutes to go, your team has first and goal at the one yard line down by a touchdown. Willie Parker does nothing on first down. Cowher (i haven't forgotten about you, bitch.) decides to bring in your sorry ass. -4 yards on second down. Thanks for coming out, Najeh. You should change your name to Tropnevad Hejan because you like to kick it Kris Kross style so much, you worthless motherfucker. I should point out that I didn't exactly watch the game--I followed it on the cbs sportsline gametracker. But when you're line reads
4 ATT 1 YDS 0 TD 4 LG
it's pretty clear that you are a terrible running back. After you busted that whopper for 4 whole fucking yards, you averaged -1 yard per carry the rest of the way, which is what you averaged on 1 carry your previous game. I don't care what your offensive line didn't do. What happened out there? Did the black hole get into your head? Were you thinking about the night before when you felated a stranger on the shore of Lake Merritt each time you got the ball? Dude, you're only 27 years old! Why does it seem like it's been years since you were in your prime of being an average backup? What the hell are you planning to do with the rest of your life? Better make friends with Tiki or something.

2. Ben Roethlisberger -- I remember actually enjoying watching you play in college. You could throw a beautiful ball and could really run. I just knew he would turn out to be a good pro qb. FOUR interceptions, TWO returned for a touchdown. Against the fucking Raiders. Two were in the fourth quarter. I thought the Lions would be the only team that could take a great college player like you and turn you into a big steamy pile of feces. Ask yourself this question: Would you bet on the Steelers to beat any NFL team, including the Lions, right now, with you as the quarterback? Seriously man, would you? With you at quarterback, it should be the Pittsburgh Enrons.

3. Bill Cowher -- "He's got to use better judgment", you said of Ben's performance. Hey Billy: what the hell game were you watching out there to think you had the right QB? How many more interceptions was it going to take? Way to stick with your guy. Marty Mornhinweg would be proud.

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