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Monday, March 05, 2007

Atlantic City:
An Atlantic city for degenerates and shrimp lovers

This past weekend the Battleship and I went to Atlantic City for our friend Joe's bachelor party weekend extravaganza. This was my first time visiting Atlantic City and I have to say that it is my kind of town. If you are a gentleman, there are lots and lots of clubs catering to you and others like you. If you have a bad back, raked leaves or shoveled a lot of snow recently, or sometimes go on really long runs or slept funny, there seem to be lots and lots of places to get a massage in Atlantic City--even at 1 AM for you guys out there that don't keep a "normal" schedule. How convenient! There are lots and lots of friendly ladies who are really pretty and are really concerned that you might be for whatever reason not having a good time. Thank you mam, just being here by the ocean is a good enough time for me!

At the brosure stand by the front desk of the hotel I pulled out this:

There's nothing more romantic than two loving couples coming together in to share genital herpes and genital warts with each other...
If you don't feel like clicking on the image, here are some highlights:
"We want you to experience the refreshing and incredibly friendly ambiance,
the hot tub the shrimp, ..."
  • Special adult playpen (private, on request)
  • Food throughout the evening and morning.
  • Many semi-private rooms.
  • Viewing areas.
  • Everything is modern
  • Everything is Super clean
  • Lots of powder rooms and changing areas
  • Large mirrored dance floor
  • Great food (shrimp every week)
Wait, did they say there'd be SHRIMP?!!!! Tell me you're not half-mast right now.
There were probably 12-15 guys that made it to AC at some point for the festivities. It was a really great group of characters. Some drove up from DC, some drove down from NYC, and some came from far away places like Seattle. It was a group that was a very diverse bunch of white people, but being friends with Joe we had some things in common like being drinkers, gamblers, and born in the 70's.

We also like being entertained, occasionally in the comfort of a hotel room by one or more females with or without clothes on who may or may not be accompanied by a large dude who looks exactly like Junior Seau but with more tattoos. As it were, Saturday night we may or may not have entered room 703 of a certain hotel with boardwalk access and left with far less money than we had anticipated. We may or may not have disassociated lollipops with children and even mouths.

Shawn, the organizer of the weekend, sent out the following itinerary by email:

Friday March 2nd

People can come to enjoy but I have one room right now and that is it.
I can get another if others are going to be down. Price might go up
dependinghow many come down (will not be raised more than $20).

Friday will be more a free day do what you want and drink as much as you
can and gamble.


Morning go get breakfast then gamble.

Meet for lunch and start drinking heavily and gamble and

Have dinner then go play tournaments if people want to enter in some
I'll pass that along.

then entertainment and then more partying.

I tried to do a good job sticking to the itinerary.

5:30 PM - arrived

5:50 PM - ate delicious sausage from boardwalk vendor.

6:00 PM - arrived at bar in Bally's Wild Wild West Casino to start drinking and wait for some other gentlemen.
7:30 PM - already down $100. Stupid blackjack dealer.
7:45 PM - down $175. Stupid craps shooter.
10:30 PM - just finished watching Pistons lose to the Heat. Stupid Shaq.
1 AM - asleep
5 AM - awake, walking on boardwalk to casino to win some money
10 AM - up $15 since being awake. Walk home to shower and get back out there.
4 PM - total costs of trip paid for, shitfaced, at Irish Pub for dinner with amigos. Michigan begins playing OSU.
7 PM - Michigan, thanks to a missed dunk by Courtney Simms in the last minute, has lost and we await entertainment.
9 PM - back at the tables with the Battleship. $25 tables.
3 AM - Completely destroyed by vodka red bulls, passed out, up a shitload.
9:30 AM - puking in trash can outside on balcony while concerned gentlemen videotape it from inside, laughing and cheering at each retch.

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