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Monday, November 03, 2008

HEMILection Special

Man, am I drunk. You heard about the "Redskins Rule"? From
According to Steve Hirdt of the Elias Sports Bureau, who coined the term "Redskins Rule" in 2000, the following bromide has held true for the past 17 presidential elections: If the Redskins win their last home game prior to Election Day, the party that won the popular vote in the previous election wins the White House; if the Redskins lose, the party that lost the popular vote in the previous election wins.
Arnie and I, when we bet on the same outcome, always lose. So tomorrow, when Obama teabags the shit out of McCain, you can thank us for betting on the Redskins to win. So anyway, who here's cock's hard? This is my first season following It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Wonderful program. So I was watching the episode where they found a glory hole in their bathroom and decided the next day that I would be a glory hole for Halloween. I had no idea how I would do that, but held it in my mind until Halloween after work, when it was finally time to take action.
Step 1. Acquire cardboard.
Step 2. Acquire duct tape.
Step 3. Strap it on.

I brought a Sharpie out and the interaction was a great success! Did I stick my cock through the glory hole? No, but I had a pretend cock to put through.

I fucked up and forgot to get my picks in, but in place of that I give you predictions in the battleground states...

Democrats (-1250) @ Colorado
Xtreme sports bros will vote for Obama because everyone needs health care, even unemployed mountain climbers with bunk broken boooooones

Democrats (-400) @ Florida

Republicans (-303) @ Georgia
It's fucking Georgia for Christ sake, don't expect too much.

Republicans (-152) @ Indiana
I went to HS in Indiana and nothing would surprise or please me more than Indiana going blue, but it's so crazy sounding to me that I have to give this one to the reds.

Democrats (-152) @ Mizzou
Don't underestimate the importance of this. We're talking about 11 electoral votes here, and I see it going to Obama.

Republicans (-278) @ Montana
Take the 3 fucking electoral votes, DYING PARTY!

Democrats (-455) @ Ohio
Because the black people in Ohio will vote this time

Democrats (-227) @ North Carolina
Because of the strong Obama ground game

Democrats (-1250) @ Virginia
I called Virginians on Sunday. All who answered the phone were voting for Obama

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