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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Sports News Information For Friday! (SNIFF)

Willis McGahee, a man who was clearly a little weak in the knee during his last meaningful football game, was traded from the Buffalo Bills today to Baw-more Ravens, hun, for three draft picks.
-----Willis McGahee----->
You may be wondering "Whoa there! Sports? You still like sports?" Yes. Yes I do. I just watched Duke lose last night, which really warms my heart. I don't just like writing about pooping and gambling. I am a regular sports fanatic! Some facts about Willis McGahee:
- born in Miami
- played for Miami University (FL)
- drafted by Tishnik Massacre in round 14, the last round, of 2004 Olde English Players fantasy football draft.

Is great joy. It is us who do the killing!
This is a keeper league. I was fortunate enough to get to take him when another owner decided to take Bryan Westbrook instead as a keeper.
- was the subject of one of the great interviews in the past year or two, by Jamele Hill of the Orlando Sentinal. An exerpt:

Q: What's more troublesome, an ex-wife or a baby momma?
A: A baby momma.
Q: Why?
A: Because they feel like they should be a part of your life for 18 years.
An ex-wife, you can get away from her. A baby momma, you can't get away from her until the child is 18 or older. They're going to constantly ask you for money.
They just want to nag you for no reason, just because they can. (Willis has
never been married.)

I strongly recommend reading the entire interview.

Jamele Hill used to work for one of the Detroit papers. I heard one interview with her on "The Ticket" 1050 AM in Ann Arbor, a station I used to listen to every day. I remember her taking shots at Michigan, but I will give her a pass as she was being interviewed by Rod Payne, a former all-american center at Michigan who was a great player but was absolutely awful on the radio. Why? He's a fucking moron, that's why. Seriously, Rod Payne and others of his ilk: sit in classrooms at my school, fuck all the girls who will fuck you at my school, graduate from my school if you can, but when you are done, get the fuck away. Please don't shame yourself and all of the other proud graduates of Michigan by speaking. Find a job where you can sit around and occasionally make public appearances. Just smile and thank your lucky stars that you are somehow employable.

Ok, that takes care of everyone in the above photo except for the two members of the unknown_player.gif family at Michigan rubbed one out against shitty Minnesota, 49-40, sending them to another matchup against Ohio State. They won despite shooting just 27 percent. Deion Harris, the chief punk on the U of M squad, led the Wolverines as usual, with 14 points.

Deion Harris, University of Michigan, Guard
He was two for three from three-point land (yay!) but just one for eight inside the arc (boo!). Courtney Sims, a player who is no better as a senior than he was as a freshman, was 2-5 for four points.

Courtney Sims, University of Michigan, Center
Like many Michigan fans, I punched furniture when Sims missed the dunk to tie the game last Saturday against Ohio State with under a minute left. I partly blame my vomit inducing drinking Saturday night on Courtney Sims.

These are two players that are easy for Michigan fans to hate on, but the reality is that they are actually capable of getting us into the tournament this year. They get another chance to give the program its biggest win in ten years, a win that would come against the #1 ranked Ohio fucking State.

Harris is an athletic guard that takes too many bad outside shots, but on this team they need him to be that kind of player taking 10-20 shots per game. When he shoots about 45 percent or better, we can beat any team in the country. So fire away, Deion. Just try to get your feet set if you can before teeing up a three pointer and for goodness sake, try to go to the basket and draw contact.

Sims is a tall, thin center, with excellent skill, who is not involved enough in the offense. We fans were upset when you missed the dunk, Courtney. This is not how we want to remember you. Put that shit behind you. You are first team all big-10. You are a very good shooter near the basket. You are tall. I know a little something about being tall, lean, and proficient at taking it to holes, and I know you can get the job done today. Seriously, dawg, five shots against Minnesota? Take fifteen today. We all know that if you do, you'll make at least eight. Go out there today and posterize Mr "18 going on 80". Represent all the tall lean men out there.

I know that if Michigan wins today and makes it to the tournament we will likely get crushed by someone, but that's exactly what I want. It really sucks being in the NIT every year. Tommy Amaker is going to get the NIT record for most games coached if he's not careful. A long time ago the NIT was the biggest tournament in college basketball. I guess you could say Tommy is just a throwback to that era, but if he should be thought of as anything, it should be like Arnie said recently, as Lavar Burton's fashionably challenged ugly brother.

Bon weekend!

Update: Deion Harris went 1-13 and Courtney Sims went 2-9 from the field. Michigan loses by 10. 1 for 13, incidentally, is 7.6%. 2 for 9 is 22.2%. Combined, they shot 3 for 22, which is under 14%. Michigan somehow only lost by 10. Jarrett Smith is somehow the best player on the team.

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  • At 1:14 PM, Blogger The Battleship said…

    By the way, Jemele Hill is a MSU alum. She wrote for the State News while I was in college there. She was pretty virulently anti-U of M back then which is pretty much the only reason I remember her columns.


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