Significant And Evident Progress



On Monday Isiah Thomas signed a multi-year extension with the NBA's New York Knicks. I happened to be taking a crap in an MSG concourse stall Monday (don't ask) and heard the whole thing go down.

Isiah: "Hi Mr. Dolan!"
Dolan: "Hi there ummm....I-s-i-a-h. You did a great job on the floor."
Isiah: "Oh gee, thanks Mr. Dolan. Glad you noticed! We've been working really hard in practice."
Dolan: "Yeah, practice, riiiight. Good work."
Isiah: "Can you believe it, if the playoffs started today, we would be in them!"
Dolan: "Yeah, finally that Millenesque guy I hired, Isiah Thomas--hey, that's your name too! Anyway, it finally looks like he's got them playing kind of like a professional basketball team. I bet they will still fuck up and miss the playoffs though. Seriously. I just got back from Vegas. If this was soccer, we would probably be relegated to the fucking D-League after the year. I can't believe I hired that asshole. I wish he was half as good at his job as you are at yours, Isiah. He shouldn't be allowed to have the same name as you. Maybe I'll send him a memo that he will need to change his name to 'Matt Millen-Thomas' or I'll fire the bastard."
Isiah: "Uh, excuse me?"
Dolan: "Listen, Isiah, you probably don't get to watch the team too often because you're working so hard cleaning up the concourse and whatnot. This is New York. I'm getting my ass pummeled every day in the papers for letting him destroy the team. Sometimes I blame myself for hiring him, but fuck--he just had to be good, you know? Anyone would have given him what he wanted. He may have been destroying my team, New York's team, before my eyes, but all that I could see was the sweet looking young man prancing around in his butt-hugging shorts acting all tough hiding behind Mahorn and Lambier--like a fluffy little kitten who thinks she's a tiger! So cute! How do you say no to that?"
Isiah: "Uh, yeah, so you think I'm doing a great job then?"
Dolan: "Definitely."
Isiah: "So, uh, would you say that I've made significant progress on the, um, floor?"
Dolan: "I believe we have clearly seen significant and evident progress."
Isiah: "Mr. Dolan, I lead a simple life and do not require much money, but do you think I could get an extension so I know I will be working in my favorite building for another five years?"
Dolan: "Let's make it ten. With a twenty percent raise."
Isiah: "Oh great! It just happens that I have the paperwork right here if you could just..."
Dolan: "No problem, Isiah. Here you go, Mr. ...."
Isiah: "Mr. THOMAS, bitch! Ha! I can't wait to call Matt Millen. He'll never believe this happened to me too."