University of Michigan Announces Merger of Tommy Amaker and Lavar Burton

"Burtaker" will take over as head coach of mens basketball.



Following another disappointing season in which the mens basketball team is expected to miss the NCAA tournament, the University of Michigan announced that they quickly executed "plan B" following the loss to Ohio State 62-72 today in Chicago.

"Plan B was something that had been discussed for the past few years from time to time", Athletic director Bill Martin announced at the 3 PM press conference. "We have one of the best biomedical engineering departments in the world at this university. I was playing poker with one of the outstanding doctors in the department out in LA right before the rose bowl in early January. It just so happened that LaVar was at the same table--who'd a figured that? We asked LaVar if he had any interest in coaching basketball at a major university. He of course wasn't at all, but when his chips were down we worked a little something out. Let's just say that he lost and we won!", said a chuckling Martin. "The whole thing was contingent upon an ok by both wives. Both agreed to share Burtaker as one big happy threesome, and we got started right away."

What about Tommy? Did Tommy agree to go ahead with plan B?

"Fuck Tommy. Tommy knows he's lucky we haven't Elerbe'd him by now. He'll get over it."

Martin added that Burton's experience on Reading Rainbow and Star Trek will help the basketball team recruiting the oft overlooked 'indoor kids'.

Burtaker is expected to promise a return to the "big dance" once his motor skills are more refined.

NIT4LIFE!