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Saturday, December 08, 2007

Breaking: The Crowe Has Landed in Michigan

Sports bloggers and members of the mainstream media previously reporting that Michigan has come to terms with a football coach from another school will have to eat some Crowe.

According to The multiple sources close to this site, the University of Michigan has found its lead man to play the part of "football coach".

The Battleship, a writer for the unpopular weblog checkoutmyhemi, reports that the new acting head coach for the Wolverines is none other than Australia's Russell Crowe.
Russell Crowe has signed a five-year contract to coach the University of Michigan football team.
According to The Battleship, Crowe is no stranger to the program.
Hollywood star and Lloyd Carr enthusiast Russell Crowe has signed a five-year contract to coach the University of Michigan football team.
On the phone, The Battleship was asked who told him this blockbuster news. "My sources within the Michigan Athletic Department are saying that", he responded.

Crowe, The Battleship reports, is also a co-owner of a rugby team and is now in Michigan.
Peter Holmes a Court, who co-owns the South Sydney Rabbitohs National Rugby Club with Crowe, told me this morning that Crowe boarded a transcontinental flight from Sydney to Detroit late Thursday outback time.
The Battleship is also reporting that the hiring will be announced at a press conference on Monday.
a press conference to announce coach Crowe's hiring will take place on Monday.
Another writer for checkoutmyhemi and former masturbater, Arnie "The beekeeper" Solomon, is also reporting that Michigan has come to terms with Crowe.
Russel Crow, national hearo and hollywood icon, will be taking the rains for the recently disposed Loyd Car
This was the first contact checkoutmyhemi has had with Arnie in several months.
you havent hurd from me much laytlee
It was decided that paychecks would no longer be issued to Arnie, and as management was hoping, he eventually stopped coming to the office. I just spoke to Arnie, who is currently in Australia.
I am reporting live from "Under Down"
"Top of the morning to ya!", he greeted me. Although Arnie is retarded and a bit of a loose cannon (he was once arrested for inserting his erect penis in a powered-on leaf blower at a Home Depot), his information is credible because the information has been independently verified by The Battleship.

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  • At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Arnie's a cool dude! I love the leaf blower incident! But, I'm not so sure about this thing about Russell! I can't see how he will be able to fit being a coach into his tight filming schedules! It will be way cool if it's true though!


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