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Friday, September 05, 2008

Possession Receiver Dreamin'

Last night I started off the season right by going to a bar to watch the opening game of the NFL season with some friends. I drank three or four waters - my tolerance for the shit is through the roof. I was out with a small group of 'skins fans. No team is another team's bitch like the Lions are for the Redskins, but in the four years of living in The District my hating of them has softened. It's more fun in town when the locals are fired up about their team.

So I decided to not tell them that I bet against their team. It's not as easy as I thought to sell yourself as somewhat of a Redskins fan, as I told them I was, while badly needing them to lose by six or more points. Thankfully, I have Santana Moss on my fantasy team, and when he scored the one 'skins touchdown they were losing by 16. In the fourth quarter, however, it was extremely difficult to stay cool when the Redskins had no chance of coming back from the nine point deficit but had a great chance of scoring a cover-busting touchdown. To the endzone and...right off the shoulder of James Thrash. Nothing's easy. A few plays later, another big drop.

I ended up escaping with a nice cover to start the season, but I felt a little bad for hating on the home team. Those drops really got me thinking about the Lions. As talented as the Lions receivers are, you can't count on any one of them to catch the ball reliably. Back in the good old days of the 1990's when Herman Moore and Brett Perriman were out there, they had some pretty suspect quarterbacks throwing to them but when they managed to get the ball near one of those guys it was almost always caught. It wasn't something you needed to sweat, they played like it was their job to catch the football. Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson are probably both faster than those guys, and are definitely bigger and stronger. They are more talented. But would I trade Moore and Perriman for them? Hell2daNaw! And the Redskins fans have a HOF player by the name of Art Monk to think about while James Thrash blows an albeit meaningless touchdown catch. And that must suck even more.

This season I'm going cheer more for the Redskins. They're better than the Lions, but within their respective divisions, they sit at about the same level. They have about the same chance of making the playoffs. And that chance is about as big as me getting a bj with my IV in my arm tomorrow morning. So fight for old DC, fellas, and thanks for fucking up at the end of the game last night and allowing me to profit.

on to the 4:15 games...

CARDINALS (-2.5) at 49'ers
confidence level: so high there's smoke coming from my wings

This is one for you (me) to go heavy on. Forget the connotation associated with "Arizona Cardinals". This team is going to be pretty decent this year. I should put a futures bet on them to win the NFC West, I like them so much. They should have a decent running game with James and Hightower and should put up big numbers in the passing game with Warner throwing to Boldin and Fitzgerald considering the defenses they will face, which include the Rams and...yes, the San Francisco 49'ers! While the 49'ers defense will suck against the Cardinals, that is all secondary to the fact that they are starting a former Detroit Lions backup named JT Squared O'Sullivan.

CHARGERS (-9) vs Panthers
confidence level: Bolstered, like a burger with the addition of bacon and avocado

I wasn't crazy about this game at first until finding out that Steve Smith is suspended and won't be playing for Carolina. If you have owned Steve Smith on your fantasy team in the past several years you know how important he is to that offense. The Chargers still have Mr Field Turf, LT, a good defense, and other men...arghh, nine is a LOT of points. Just click "place wager" and take this loss like the strong, dignified man that I am not.

CLEVELAND (+6) vs Cowboys
confidence level: Down, like the syndrome. While people with down syndrome have special needs, they are not completely stupid. My friend's brother with d.s. remembered my name after not seeing me for several years. That's impressive to me as someone who doesn't know the people half the names in my phone go with. From now on, put a last name too, or at least something like "ass", "legs", or whatever attribute helps you remember. "Taint".

Game of the day? Probably. I don't particularly like this game from a betting standpoint, but it'll surely be on tv, and you know what that means. Dallas is better. No need to give a team preview here, you can look that up somewhere else. But Cleveland's got some ways to hurt you with their offense, they're at home, and six points is a lot for an upwardly average team to be getting at home, so take 'em.

Good luck laying off the hot amateur action Saturday. If you must have a taste, I suggest taking a big lick of West Virginia and a double scoop of Georgia.

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