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Friday, May 02, 2008

DC Bocce court maintenance a great success, but still no berms

"Ugh, sometimes I just hate being so involved in our neighborhood association."
"I know what you mean. Just look at our park. It's just littered with those...people. They act like it's theirs, like it's everyone's."
"Yeah, totally. This week at work I am going to get a big bunch of pamphlets printed up that we can pass out to all of the trespassers of our Garfield Park to let them know that we wear the pants around here."
"Well you do, at least. I'll stick to my jean shorts."
"Those are really nice, are they new?"
"Sure are. Get used to them because I have six more pairs just like them."

"OMFG, what the hell is that awful monster doing on MY park!??"

"Um, excuse me. Excuse me, what is that, that...thing doing taking giant dumps in these horrible sand boxes?"
"Yes, when our neighborhood agreed to let you guys come in here every week to trample our park while you throw your stupid balls around, I do NOT recall agreeing to allow big ugly trucks drop piles of whatever that gross stuff is while tearing up OUR grass."

[court maintenance crew politely explains that they are doing court maintenance and that they would make sure no tire marks or other markings from the delivery would be there at the end of the day.]

"You guys just don't understand the impact that the league has on the park. It gives me nightmares."
"Seriously. Do you know what these things look like? They look like giant troughs. Can't you try to make them a little less ugly? Why are there no landscaped berms flowing naturally up the sides of the trough walls? That's the vision I had in my head. BERMS, and lots of them. Why is my berm fantasy not yet a reality?"

[court maintenance crew reminds the two gentlemen that the league has made a strong effort to maintain the courts so that they are both functional and nice looking and will continue to do so.]

"What you guys need to keep in mind is that we have very high standards of aesthetics for our recreational pieces..."

[Ten yards from the site of the conversation is a poorly maintained horseshoe court]

"... so what we were looking for when my neighborhood agreed to let you play with your balls in this public park was to not put in anything that goes against the natural feel of the park, nothing that is, to be frank, so gauche as a pair of bermless troughs."
"Guys, the city doesn't give us the money to keep the park beautiful with everything we want for it. Last month we walked into City Hall with a proposal for what our neighborhood association agreed would be a fantastic addition to the playground - a fifteen foot magenta phallus with a rope attached to the top for the kids to use to climb up it - and we were not-so-politely told to go home. So you see, it's hard working with the city. We have to put up our own money to make the improvements that need to be made."

[The two gentlemen finally leave, satisfied that they really let the crew know who ran things around Garfield Park. Other residents come by to thank them for keeping up the courts and to wish them well.]

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