White Smoke Emerges from the Chimney of Chrysler Arena

As one of many people who are on the waiting list for Michigan season football tickets and a former actuary, nothing pleases me more than seeing the number of aged gentlemen plodding about the football stadium on a given Saturday afternoon in the fall. Im torn between my admiration for these tough old bastards (not everybody hangs on to season tickets that are 30 rows down when you've had a couple of hip replacements), and my satisfaction that thier tenure occupying those seats (given that one needs to be above ground to attend a game), is drawing to a close, allowing people like me to cut my wait time from 27 to 26 years. One of the perks of being on said waiting list is that you, being identified as a Michigan sports enthusiast, are listed on email distribution list from Bill Martin, athletic director, and notified whenever something of importance happens.
This morning, as I got to work, looked at my outlook calendar and mused on what a fantastic day this is to do absolutely nothing, I went to my personal email (ahead of my work email, thats what kind of renegade ol A"B"S is!), and saw that Michigan has convinced West Virginia head coach John Beilein to enter the fold. He has a history of strong performances in the NIT during his career at WV, so obviously that was a huge selling point ( fun fact: Check out my HEMI correspondents represented rougly 0.06% of the crowd at the first round NIT game in Ann Arbor this year).
Anyway, good luck to Mr. Beilein. The bar has been set nice and low and complacency seems as strong as ever, so realistically, he has about 4 or 5 years of not making the NCAA before squawking of any consequence will be initiated.
In other news around town, a mid 20s woman, in the midst of an afternoon of mind-expansion, walked into the front door of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house earlier this week, had herself a sit down on the couch and, according to reports, disrobed and masturbated for about a half-hour until the fraternity brothers called the cops and asked to have her removed. They even threw out the couch for good measure, to my knowledge completely unburned. The suspect has eluded the Ann Arbor police and is hopefully still at large. Now, I was never in a frat, never even contemplated joining one, but these guys should really be questioning thier fratitude right about now. I mean, I can think of stories roughly comparable to this back in my undergraduate days, and I can tell you that of all the parties called, none were the AAPD (or your correspondent). Im thinking that with the right people, this whole incident could be great fodder for one of those touchy-feely halftime "leaders and best" commercials.