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Friday, September 05, 2008


Haven't quite figured out this being sober game. Lets just suppose I did work today, which is not true. As it were, I would have left my building at 5:30 PM, walked to the Metro, Metro'd to my stop, walked to my building and arrived at between 5:50 and 5:55 PM. At that point I would have mail to go through. Hospital bill. Promotional golf magazine. Assorted gambling fliers. I would perhaps expel waste and change clothes. Time would be up to 6:20 maybe. Flip open laptop, investigate the happenings in the world between 5:29 and now 6:22. Television: turn it on. Left on channel 36, CNN.

Why do networks put the good games, the good comedians, the news, all the good stuff on late? So that when you wake up and inevitably turn on the TV you are already on their channel. Every late football game a network gets you to turn to gets you twice.

But I had all day to get to this point. Hit guide. Worthless Sportscenter: no. Turn to local news, hear stories of badness in places you know or know of. 6:50. Baseball game may start at 7. Football? It's Friday and you're getting the shit game of the week. Damn you Friday.

Friday is the damn sabbath to the football religious. They make you go to high school games, spend time with friends or loved ones with no football, or stay home and suffer through a game between post-secondary schools with a seminary school level of excitement.

Shit, now what? It's 6:58, don't care about the Nationals or Orioles, Cubs or White Sox, too early for a TV movie. Put on music, make some dinner. Breathe. Dinner is finished, 7:36. Need some end punctuation for the meal, something with sugar. Cookies, ice cream. Devour large portion and feel guilty about consuming a large amount of sugar. I'm doing nothing different from what I imagine an average Iowan to be doing at this point in the day.

What to do with that city outside? Movie! Movie over at 9:30 PM. Not tired, full of popcorn and caffeinated beverage. Damn it. See others dressed up, big nights underway, feel a little jealous. Get home at 10:15 PM. Nothing of note on TV, Not interested in another movie, no emails. No calls, no texts. Wait patiently for tiredness to come.

No unnecessary shots, no altercations. No regretful comments to think about when opening eyes in the morning. No vomiting. No guessing how much money was spent. It is clear in mind that the movie was $10.50, the popcorn was $6.75, and the cab taken from the Metro upon discovery of downpour was $7 after a generous tip. No ninja exit. No crumpled receipts in my pocket to shamefully straighten and examine and re-crumple and discard. There will be no headache, no dire need for coffee. No chance of waking up in an unfamiliar place next to unfamiliar person.

But tomorrow there is football so be fucking thankful for that.

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  • At 3:05 PM, Blogger Dolores said…

    Consider yourself lucky in at least this one respect - while you were trying to catch zzz's on Friday night, I was at Trusty's where Adam and Colin did body shots off my stomach. I didn't find out about that one until Sunday night. You stay classy!


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