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Monday, April 23, 2007

Freeman doesn't want you to be a married man.

Mike Freeman, the CBS Sportsline writer you may remember lied about earning a college degree on his resume and is intent on suing the person who outed him, has a new column up on sportsline today, "Marrriage on the mind? Stop by the Strahan house", in which he encourages professional athletes to wait until retirement to get married. Apparently his target audience is either professional athletes, close friends of professional athletes, or people who want to be filled with gobs and gobs of good advice in case they befriend one. He probably isn't going after assholes like myself who find his writing to be laughable rather than witty, but just as I enjoy a crappy lifetime movie with terrible acting, I enjoy his columns.

What's so fun about his columns, you ask? Consider the following juicy morcels from a recent column on Gary Bettman:

Gary Bettman is brilliant. He might be the smartest man alive. He would kick
Einstein's ass.

You can find That's So Raven on television easier than you can locate NHL games.
What is that NHL network called again? Versus? Or is it Venus? Or Vagina? I
forget. Versus: what the hell is that anyway? What does that mean? Is that Latin
for invisible? Is it Greek for "hey honey, what freakin' channel is the hockey
game on?"

I hopped aboard the Freeman train hoping for some fun while learning about some nasty business his ex had done to him recently. I remembered from a KSK posting quite some time ago that Strahan's divorce exposed some rather embarassing details about him and his marriage as well as cost him many millions of dollars. So Freeman's column must be talking about the millions he made while playing a position in a brutal sport that will likely leave him crippled that has been or soon will be transferred to her, right?

In what is either a stunning act of vengeance, or simple thriftiness, Jean
this weekend began selling some of her and Strahan's personal items.

Uh, ok, that's kind of strange that she would be selling shit of his in a yard sale with everything she made off with, but as far as a deterrent for marriage goes, this falls a little short. But maybe the items being sold are extremely embarrassing, like a Jason Seyhorn autographed butt plug or a miniature dildo he used to fuck the gap in his teeth with...

One of Strahan's Giants jerseys sold. Other things, like gloves he once sported in games, went for a pittance.
Good thing Strahan did not leave a jockstrap in the house.
I get the feeling that if she could, Jean would have sold the large space between Michael's two front teeth for $1.50.
You will have to excuse my combination of wonderment and outrage. The memory fails as to the last time a star NFL player had his personal goods shuttled to the front lawn and hawked for a few bucks.
Hey Mr. National Columnist, how about a little background information for your national readers? As little as this intrigues me, I can't imagine how a reader would feel reading this without knowing how much she has taken from him. But really, who really cares if she is making a few bucks off of items that he didn't take with him when he moved out?
Freeman clearly had somehow decided that being married during your professional playing days is a bad idea. He probably was talking about all of the pussy a young rich athlete could plow through with his friends one day, and then decided that he would write a column about it. But why use this yard sale bullshit to support your claim with all of the other good reasons out there?

Whatever the motives, as word of what she did began to spread across the
Internet and this city, there was genuine shock. I should know. I live here and
am less than a 10-minute drive from the Strahan house.

Oh, that's it. He lives ten minutes from Strahan's ex's house and thought he'd get a nice column out of a little neighborhood gossip. Thanks for filling in the gap for us, Mike, but nobody fucking cares.



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