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Friday, May 04, 2007

Let's Go, Girls!

Arnie, the Battleship, another pal of ours, and I are about to drive south, in a car, to our weekend getaway location of Richmond, Virginia. Fast facts about Richmond:
- capitol of the commonwealth of Virginia
- hometown of Arthur Ashe
- visited by Queen Elizabeth II this week
- very friendly to smokers. The Battleship will be pleased.
- the river (the James i think) sometimes swells to flood an entire section of the city. they expect it and it doesn't fuck much shit up. shit fuck cock piss. dick.
- home of Richmond International Raceway (RIR). Neither Arnie nor I understand what is at all international about it.

Perhaps we will by the end of the weekend, as we will be attending the NASCAR Busch and Nextel Cup Series races on Friday and Saturday nights, respectively. Why? Because we are awesome, that's why. I heard that the Battleship, just for fun, takes wheels off of cars in his neighborhood and switches them all around just to keep his pit crew skills sharp. You know, just in case. I think Arnie's Oldsmobile has 750,000 miles on it, and it's a 2002. That's how much Arnie fucking rolls. And me, I wasn't conceived, I was engineered. When I was born I had that new car smell. Instead of pubic hair I have interior carpet. My fucking cock is a stick shift. My asshole is chrome. I don't use Jergans, I use Turtle Wax. That's the way shit is, people. We piss 93 octane gasoline.

Now it's time for some Q&A between Arnie and I.

Awful Chief: Do you think it would be illegal for Kingsford to put nicotine in their charcoal brickets?

Arnie: Thats a silly question, everybody knows that all smoke has nicotine. (FYI, its a '98)

Arnie: A.C., Do you think that the former Laker who bears your namesake, A.C. Green, remains a virgin to this day?

AC: Yes. A. C. Green is really into toast fucking (you know, that new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast), which keeps him satisfied.

AC: Arnie, if you discovered that fucking the shit out of a loaf of Wonderbread was highly pleasing and worth the cost of the loaf, and you were going to work on a loaf in your parents house, would you rather get busted by your mom or dad, and why?

A"B"S: Chief, Id much rather get busted by my dad. That way we'd be able to discuss technique.

A"B"S: Chief, who'd you rather get wierd with, Michael Irvin or Mark Gastineau?

AC: I'd rather find myself at a pool or pond with Mark Gastineau so I could at least play with his 'stache and think about his daughters.

Bon Weekend!

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  • At 3:00 PM, Blogger Dolores said…

    So you hillbillies - what do you think about Junior taking leave of his father's company? Is the news resulting in shock waves across the NASCAR nation?


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