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Monday, April 30, 2007

What Had Happened

This was my scheduled every-other-Friday off, and I spent much of the day riding my two wheeled motorized metaphor for machismo around the metro DC area, at speeds up to 85 mph, to the delight of area spinal surgeons and funeral homes. I could be wrong, but when I walked into Panera Bread Company to get a sandwich with my protective gear on and helmet in-hand, I swear the cashier wanted to have premarital sex with me, probably on top of a pound cake the size of a king-sized bed with giant loaves of focaccia as pillows.
With the biggest Saturday in recent months the next day, I tried to abide by the terms set up for "National be-a-good-boyfriend Friday" and earn some last minute points to burn on "National be-a-jackass Saturday". Wine? Check. Complete surrendering of the remote? Check. This was really tough as I have been really into the NHL playoffs this year and I'm warming to the NBA playoffs, although I'll only be about half-mast for it until the second round.

All week the plan for Saturday was to head to my buddy Jared's apartment as he has a big screen hdtv with split-screen capability which would be perfect for watching the Wings and the Pistons simultaneously, while flipping back to the draft when one of them was at commercial. Saturday morning I woke up, cooked some eggs and bacon, and put on some coffee for the special ladyfriend and I. I turned on the English Premier League match at 10, but then realized that I still needed to defer to her with what was coming up. She happily turned to cartoons and other programming. Around 11AM I brought up my plan for the day.
"So, remember how I said I'd be going over to Jared's for the games today?"
"Yeah, what time do they start?"
"The hockey and basketball games start at 3, but I have to get over there by 12 for the start of the NFL draft."
"Uh, OK..."
"You can have the apartment to your self most of the day, but here's a key so you can leave and do whatever whenever you want. I'll be talking to you throughout the day though."
"What time do you think you'll be back?"
"Probably 6 or so."
"Six hours! Ok, don't drink too much."
"Ok. We can go get some dinner later. Bye!"
It was a gorgeous day out Saturday in The District and I walked briskly towards the Convention Center area in my Charles Rogers Lions jersey, stopping only to pick up some canned light American beer. Picked up an 18 pack of Miller Lites for just $10.89 after tax, which really got me fired up. Jared lives on the tenth floor of his building and I was so excited about the $10.89 that I had to call him back twice to get reminded of his apartment number, as I kept thinking that it was #1089.
As expected, JaMarcus went 1st to the O. Not a big surprise there. This was followed by the most exciting fifteen minutes of the year for a Lions fan, and Jared and I were wearing our emotion on our sleaves and in our livers, powering through some early cans begging for 'the Mastermind' Millen to take Big Johnson, despite the Lions already having a Pro Bowl receiver in Roy Williams. Millen takes him, hi-5's follow, text messages are sent to other Lions fans in celebration (some sent back to us by Lion fans pissed about the pick), and the beer started to taste amazingly good--2007 must be a good year for Miller products. We watched with glee as Joe Johnson's fishing boat was shown instead of Brady Quinn walking up to shake Roger G's hand. They showed Quinn as a six-year-old with a Browns uniform on right before the pick, then Joe Thomas was selected, then they showed Quinn try unsuccessfully to not look disappointed. I used to talk beaucoup de shit about the whole sitting around all day watching the draft thing, but after seeing this I take it all back. And it just kept getting better! It became clear that after the Browns passed on him, he had little chance of getting picked until the Dolphins were on the clock at the #9 position.

I deeply regret this, but I missed the Dolphins pick. I had left to go pick up chips, a Buffalo chicken wrap from Whole Foods, and my laptop. Jared called to let me know that after the Dolphins made their pick, the camera shifted immediately to Brady to show him shocked and then putting on an extremely fake smile. I was so fucking pissed to not see that live. That is why there are months of hype for the draft. And it couldn't have happened to a better guy! Pick after pick they showed Quinn sitting with his "reach" pick of a girl who probably wanted to get the fuck up and put her arm around one of the other athletes who had actually been drafted. I may have missed the pick, but I did return with some tasty food and a laptop to complete the setup for the war room prior to the start of the two playoff games. We now had the split screens set up and two laptops, one with the draft tracker going and the other with the Tigers game using my account.

I don't remember when the first 18 pack was finished. It might have been before the Wings and 'Stons even started. Whenever it ran dry, Jared hustled to the liquor store, handed over $10.89, and walked back with a fresh 18-Pac. The details on the rest of the day are a bit fuzzy, but I clearly remember the following:
- Lions selecting Jeff Smoker Drew Stanton. About 8-10 beers in, I called the Battleship up to discuss how sweet the BQ situation was. While talking about it, we agreed that Drew Stanton is a better pro prospect and if the Lions could get him in the second or third round it would be awesome. When they actually picked him, I was blown away. I wanted to be happy, but I feared that Stanton would be another Lions QB that wouldn't be developed and would ultimately fail in the NFL because of his misfortune of getting selected by the Honolulu blue and silver skidmark on the underpants of pro football. It's hard, even when sober, to put my feelings into words about the first two Lions picks. I liked them both individually, but just seemed fucked for some reason.
- Datsyuk scores the winning goal for the Wings late in the third period. This completed a big comeback for them after again being down 2-0 in the first period.
- Pistons won again, and are now up three games to none in the series.
- The Tigers were beaten severely.
- Jared's girlfriend came by and shouted in horror at us upon discovering that we were on the brink of finishing our second 18-pack. Wow! I kind of thought we were having a big day, but when you see 30+ empty cans lined up taking up your entire kitchen counter, you know something special just took place. Somehow, I was more exhausted than shitcanned. We had stretched the 36 beers out over almost seven hours, but come on now, that's still 36 between two people. After lying down at my place for a few hours, I was able to make it out for two pints at the bar with my special ladyfriend, my friend Michelle, and her friend Brian. Michelle had this to say: "How are you so sober? It's amazing how, don't take this the wrong way, you can drink like a serious alcoholic and not even get that wasted!" Uh, yeah. Like a serious alcoholic, like.

Damage control. Brain feel mucho mushy.

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  • At 4:07 PM, Blogger Big Al said…

    18 beers each, with the NFL draft, Tigers, Wings, Pistons all on a big screen? That's one glorious day, if I do say so myself.

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