The end of the gambling off-season is near

The end of the gambling off-season is near

This past weekend the Battleship and I attended the wedding of a former roommate of ours in Utica, NY. The wedding ceremony was in a church. Growing up, I went to church fairly regularly when I didn't have a Sunday morning hockey game. I'm not quite sure when I stopped being a believer, but on Saturday when I stood in church I felt nothing. I stood up and sat down with everyone else, but there was no participation, just observation on my part. While the priest delivered the prescribed messages, my mind wandered.

"Those Jesus and Mary paintings on the wall up there remind me of something...Wallbangers (Fatheads, but for soccer)!...Wahl-bahyn-gaz: HUGE impact on your wall...when your love for the game is too big for a poster...they should expand to the religious market...since they are removable and self adhesive, you could transform any room to a religious venue...man, I want to be the one to make all the cash on this, because it's a fucking lock to make money...in fact, they should let you buy a custom wallbanger of any picture, for a sizable amount of money, of course...in your mid-twenties and think you're drinking too much and hanging out with skanky women? A wallbanger of your mom in your apartment will keep your ass in line...damn, those girls in that pew are fucking hot. I wonder if they are here with anyone...the one is sitting next to some guy, but the other one...damn, i feel fucking handsome in this suit...wahlbahyngaz: HUGE impact on your wall...I'd sure like to make a huge impact on that girl's walls..."

I know that everyone's mind wanders at church, but even during the most sacred prayers, I felt nothing where I used to feel something when I was younger. And I'm OK with that. I figure that if I'm a good guy who does good things for others when I can, I'll be like -700 to be in good shape if there happens to be some existence past physical death. I'm OK with uncertainty. I actively embrace it at work and in my free time.

To deal with this uncertainty, someone wrote up some rules they thought would put them in the best situation for dealing with the uncertainty of death. In that spirit, I shall do my best to follow the rules I have set for myself in dealing with the uncertain world of football betting. The first and maybe the toughest trial of the year is following my seventh commandment between tomorrow, the start of the college football season, and next Thursday, the start of the NFL season.

7. Thou shalt remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

There isn't much in this world more fun than betting on college football. All those amateurs running around dropping passes, beating the crap out of each other, and fumbling, all while wearing familiar uniforms...that's some good watchin'. But damn it, I'm not going to piss my money away on it this year just because it's good watchin'. Holy crap, it's going to be hard though. I just can't break a commandment though--especially before the NFL even starts. That would be a terrible sin.

Until that happens, I'll hopefully have a little action out there on the English Premier League, following the same rules. For whatever it's worth, here's what I like this week:

Everton to win at Bolton

Everton just signed striker Ayegbeni Yakubu, who is outstanding and should make his debut this Saturday. They have started out well, going 2-1-1, and have been led by Mikel Arteta, maybe the best in the EPL at identifying opportunities for his teammates and delivering the ball to them. Bolton goes into the game after a big win vs. Reading, a solid defensive team, but I don't see Bolton's defense stopping Arteta from feeding Andrew Johnson and Yakubu up top.

Two team Parlay: Liverpool over Derby, Manchester United over Sunderland

Both of these heavy favorites are at home, playing against new teams to the EPL. Man U has been anything but dominant yet, but they have several new players, all of whom are far more talented than those Sunderland will put out there Saturday. I expect that this will be the week they finally win by a comfortable margin.

Liverpool has played the best soccer of any EPL team this season and they play at home against the team that has played the worst soccer of any in the EPL this season. No brainer. Find the deed to your farm and a sucker to take the other side of the bet.