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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Crimes Against Nature:

They won't bolster your street cred.

With less than two weeks until the most important sporting event of the year and possibly the most important in my lifetime and therefore ever, I decided to check in with the Ann Arbor news to get a mid-week update on the Maize and Blue. The Ann Arbor News website is accessed off of Instead of typing it into the address box on my browser, I accidentally typed it into the google toolbar search box. No big deal--google listed the mlive homepage as the first result. Unfortunately, this led to me spotting the second result: Area man charged with bestiality.

I have no problem admitting that I am a pretty disturbed individual. I believe that Happiness is the best movie ever made. I make jokes about some pretty sick shit. I do, however, have my limits. I am comfortable knowing that there is a shitload of man on man ass sex taking place out there, but I would prefer to not see it taking place. I have never seen a necrophilia video and never want to. Also, although I have seen that video of the Asian woman felating the horse, I did not find it at all arousing and had no desire to ever see it again. No matter how attractive a female is, I don't want to see her copulating with an animal.

With that said, I was curious to read about what this "area man" did, so I clicked on the link.

A 44-year-old Saginaw man remains jailed today on charges of bestiality after he was seen engaged in sexual acts with a dead dog, Michigan State Police troopers said.

Officers determined that the house belonged to the man's girlfriend and later learned that the dog, a black Labrador retriever, also belonged to the girlfriend. The dog had been dead for four or five days.

Marinade on that for a few minutes. Remember, this was a human that did this, just like you, reader. It's way too fucked up for any animal species, other than a human being, to have done. Not that it's cool at all to fuck a live dog--which this guy clearly did or at least thought about doing, but fucking a dead public??? Now to the other side of this: This guy, Ronald Kuch, had a girlfriend! How embarassing this must be for her! What does she say on her next date? "Yeah, I haven't been dating in a while...I decided to take a break after my last boyfriend fucked my dead dog in front of a daycare center." Imagine what kind of thoughts went through Ronald's heads when he was having sex with her?
"Ronald, honey, do you ever think about prettier girls when we're having sex?"
"Uh...yeah, I guess. Sometimes."
He MUST have at least once asked her to bark like a dog for him.

Kuch faces charges of crimes against nature. No, I hadn't heard of that either. It carries a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison, or life for a repeat offender. I'm a pretty liberal guy, but doesn't 15 years seem a little bit light for a maximum penalty here, assuming that this is his first offense? Oh well, at least ol' Ronald won't be voting today.

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  • At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A little light? I was thinking the opposite. Clearly this person has some issues, but we're talking about a dead dog. The fact that he did it in public makes it a more serious offense, but I would say that he should have a psychiatric evaluation and spend some time in county jail at the most.

    I agree that what he did will likely not be an easy pill for his (hopefully ex- by now) girlfriend to swallow, but if being a bad boyfriend was a felony there would be a lot fewer of us voting today.

  • At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I just want to point out, that this, among other things, makes me feel somewhat sheepish about the fact that I havent been laid in time out of mind. Little did I realize that fun was roaming around my neigbor's back yard.


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