Dude, tomorrow's already the tenth!



Far out. We are about a third away through May and it's time to reflect on our successes and failures. Did you fail to smoke as many cigarettes as you were hoping to on Friday, May 4th? Maybe you look back at Monday, May 7th with disappointment as you managed to make it out of bed to get ready for work instead of staying home and eating bowl-after-bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and standing in front of your living room window wearing only makeshift underwear constructed from a grocery bag, as you had been considering in the time between when your alarm first went off and the snooze alarm sounded. Perhaps you made your 1st move on the girl you met at the bar Saturday, May 5th before the roofies kicked in and ended up getting slapped or maced.

Sports fans are accustomed to emotional ups and downs lagging the outcomes of games played by the teams they follow. Usually the more teams you follow, the more diversified your fan holdings are. This is why no matter how much you love the Detroit Lions, you have to root for other teams as well for your emotional safety. After the Lions lose to Green Bay for the umpteenth time, you need to be able to say "well, at least Michigan won" or "thank goodness the Wings are looking good this year". When the Lions go out and get that improbable win, like last year against Dallas, the shittiness of Michigan basketball keeps you from getting too ecstatic.

Once in a while, no matter how diversified your sports fan portfolio is, you'll go on a nice long run of ups or a painful streak of downs. Detroit sports are in one of of those precious runs of wins at the moment. The combined record of the Red Wings, Pistons, and Tigers so far in May is 11-0.

5/1: Tigers W 5-4
5/2: Tigers W 3-2, Red Wings W 3-2
5/3:
5/4: Tigers W 6-3
5/5: Tigers W 7-5, Pistons W 95-69, Red Wings W 4-1
5/6: Tigers W 13-4
5/7: Pistons W 108-87, Red Wings W 2-0
5/8: Tigers W 9-7

Detroit should break into an ad hoc pride fest this afternoon. Things may never be as good as they are for us right now. The Pistons look destined for a return to the finals, the Red Wings just completed their toughest series win since scoring seven goals against the Avalanche in game seven of the 2002 Western Conference Finals, and the Tigers have won eight straight. How often does a sports city have trifecta like Detroit on cinqo de Mayo, with two of the wins coming in the playoffs?

Who do we have to thank for this great success? The Big Johnson, that's who. Since the Lions drafted Calvin Johnson, the other three Detroit teams are 15-2. All hail, King Johnson! If the Johnson factor can somehow help put some wins on the board for his own team as well, the city or state could be in for a renaming. I can't decide what sounds better between Johnson, Michigan or Detroit, Johnson. Maybe they should just go with Johnson, Johnson or the Detroit Johnson instead of the Lions.