Check out my HEMI

The sound is better than any piece of ass you'll ever have.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Sorry for the Coitus Interruptus

Today I resume writing almost every day through Wednesday, when I head out to the brown mountains of Lake Tahoe for some skiing if they somehow get some snow. So expect some 7th grade level reading from now until then, and probably a few times when I'm out there.

Big News

Check out my HEMI has acquired a free agent to bolster its offensiveness throughout the NFL playoffs and beyond. Some facts about this untapped barrel of talent:
- extremely beefy. you stick him in under center and he'll get you the tough yard on a 4th and 1, or at least get in there and call a time out.
- biggest Lions fan I know. owns a James Stewart jersey.
- biggest drinker I know. drinking with him I sometimes feel like a big unsanitary pussy.
- outstanding poster to fantasy league message boards. Here is an example:

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Lions Are Big Dry Turds

Turds can get very large and dry if a person is constipated, causing painful stretching of the anal opening. Pooping can also hurt if the person has hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are engorged veins in the anal area. A doctor once described them to me as "varicose veins of the anus," which suggests that the valves in the veins that are supposed to keep the blood flowing in the right direction have gotten messed up. Pooping can also be painful if the person suffers from an anal fissure, a tear in the tissue of the rectum.
Expect some hard yards from The Battleship.

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