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Friday, May 11, 2007

Do you love beer?

The year was 1994. I was a sophomore in High School. I led my hockey team in goals. My hair? long. Cigarettes? Addicted to them. I drove a midnight blue Ford Ranger with a cap on the back. This cap gave me a place to 'hang out', smoking pot with friends or making out with girls. Ladies, you can just smell the romance can't you? Who wouldn't want to get felt up in the back of a pickup truck parked on a random side street or parking lot by this young man?

I was one of the last of my friends to start drinking, starting out as more of a pot smoker. This is how I started smoking pot, as best as I can remember:
"Hey man, do you want to hit this?"
"Uh, what's that?"
"It's a joint, man."
"Um, no thanks. I don't smoke marijuana."
"Dude, it's only weed."
"It's only weed?"
"Yeah, man, do you want to try it?"
"Sure, I mean, if it's only weed."
I'm pretty sure I got an A in health class.
I tried alcohol for the first time that year after I found my girlfriend making out with my best friend at her house. I stormed out, drove home, opened up the liquor cabinet, poured myself a shot of Jack Daniels and took it down. Being from Michigan, of course my next move was to grab my pellet gun and fire off some rounds at an empty birdhouse. Hitting a small target from distance with a pellet gun is no small feat, and I remember being amazed that I hit it from fifty yards or so.

In the weeks and months following that cathartic moment in my back yard I began trying other forms of alcohol. By the time the Ken Burns documentary Baseball first aired on PBS, I had a new favorite beverage.

Do you love beer?

While normal commercials are not shown on PBS, they do acknowledge the major program sponsors. Samuel Adams was one such sponsor for Baseball. Somehow they were allowed to be acknowledged with a non-invasive commercial consisting of the following:
- light acoustic guitar for the duration of the ten second commercial
- five seconds into the soft music, a voice posed the above question
- 'Samuel Adams' appeared on the screen

I have not seen a more affective advertisement since. Each time it came on, I wanted to jump out of my chair and shout 'YES! Yes, I do!' If only more ads like this could reemerge...

Do you love anal intercourse?

Do you love football?

Do you love New York Pizza?

Do you love pregnant teenagers?

While google image searching "detroit lions" I came across the photo below. I was pretty blown away. I'm not sure what best fits this one.
1. Do you love sleeping alone?
2. Do you love starting and ending every day with a sense of loss?
3. That bed's not king size. It's Lion king size!
4. With this twin size comforter, you'll be a master of the cover two!

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  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger The Battleship said…

    You would have to go to business school for a long time to be able to identify the market niche with a demand for NFL team-themed curtains.

  • At 12:50 PM, Blogger the butler said…

    Whoa! You're the guy from Dazed and Confused?!?!?!

    And yes, I must agree that connecting with a birdhouse at fifty yards with a pellet gun is not easy.


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