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Friday, December 28, 2007

Game of the Year: Showdown at Lambo

For fans of many NFL teams, the week 17 game is completely meaningless. Drew Sharpish stand alone shit sentence in 3-2-1...

Nothing to see here.

Whew, glad that's out of the way. For those who feel that witnessing what is sure to be a terrible game in which a possible outcome is a team going undefeated for an entire season is very important to their lives, the game on Saturday night will be televised like it's a presidential debate. Will I watch this game? Probably, but I already have seen the Patriots at their best. There is nothing particularly intriguing to me about a game with two teams that are already in the playoffs.

A regular season game with preseason-like intensity.

That was fun. Just look at that sentence. So alone, vulnerable, yet so strong. So bold. It's like it's in bold, italics, all-caps, and underlined all at once, but like, is not. Don't you feel like you need to pick up your jock strap off the monitor?

Anyway, fuck that game. The main reason why the NFL is great is that it's fun to bet on, but that cannot be said about this week. Nobody knows who's going to be playing and for how long. There's really only one game of great importance this week, and it only matters to the hapless bunch that comprises the Detroit Lions fan base. Lions Nation, baby. This Sunday at 1PM the Lions play the Green Bay Packers at Lambo field. What, you ask, could possibly be intriguing about this game?

1. The last season the Lions won a game at Lambo Field was 1991. That, buddy, is a long time ago. There are thousands of teenage mothers in the USA who were not even born by 1991. That means that their children would have to ask their grandparents what it was like when the Lions won that game. Do you think Brett Favre remembers that game? No, he does not, and it's not because he's an old senile bastard who also happens to be ruggedly handsome and is attractive to women who are young enough to be in the teen mom segment mentioned earlier. If Brett Favre farted in a pickup truck with a woman sitting on the front seat next to him, that woman may yell at him, but she would also get a little turned on. Anyway, the reason Brett Favre doesn't remember that loss in 1991 is because it was so long ago that he wasn't even on the Packers yet. This game means nothing to the Packers, but the silver fox's streak is still alive, so you can bet your ass that he'll start this game. The Lions need to not only beat the Packers at Lambo, but do it before Favre retires so that it can be said that in his career, Brett Favre lost to the Lions at home. Why? Just because, that's why. It's embarrassing supporting such a shit team that can't win a game in fucking Wisconsin at least once in every five tries.

2. An 8-8 season would be a tremendous accomplishment for the Detroit Lions. In the age of parity, most NFL franchises have experienced both highs and lows in the past ten years. The Lions, on the other hand, have won seven games this year for the first time in the Matt Millen era, which began in 2000. To get to eight wins would complete our long transition back to the mediocrity that Lions fans enjoyed in the years before the dark cloud with the big mustache came to the state with Great Lakes and great times. Forget about the collapse from the 6-2 start. Just imagine that it's whatever the fuck month the NFL draft is. You're fired up. Coming off a non-losing season, it's not completely insane to hope for the playoffs in the upcoming year. That sounds pretty damn good to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with a 7-9 season. It's a big improvement. But man, 8-8 sounds pretty sweet.

Before the start of the season, I had this game circled - not because I thought it was a "big game", but because I thought it was as sure loss. Finishing off the season with a win at Green Bay would be a perfect way to mark the Lions' return to mediocrity, and the start of a new era of disappointing their fans in new ways.

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  • At 12:27 AM, Blogger The Battleship said…


    I don't really care that the Lions lost that game, although it would have been sweet if we'd won. What I really wanted was for someone to roll over Favre's leg and end his career.

    God, why do you always ignore my prayers? If you're listening, please bring Deanna Favre's breast cancer back, malignant as possible.

    While we're on the subject of cool football-type stuff, way to go Michigan! Beat down the SEC oppressors!

    What's in YOUR Wallet, Urban Meyer!!!

    Da Ship


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