You may have lost the game, but buddy, you made life a lot easier for me.

Hi there folks!, I know its been a few years, and they've not been the best for the ol' Bartosaurus over here, but lemme tellya, losing never felt so good.
I'll bet you're thinking, isn’t he strange…., loose canon. Well maybe you're right, I am kind of strange, after all, most people who proclaim to be baseball fans understand that if your guys have a chance to make an out, and you the fan have a chance to get a souvenir, you say the hell with the game, my suit, my client's suit, my girlfriend's white t-shirt, with allah as my witness, Im getting that goddamed ($5) baseball! I however was in the strange situation of doing so at a very inopportune time, and before you knew it, Bartomous Prime was getting some pretty nasty phone calls! But, Ive had years of therapy and the support of the Illinois State Police, and Ive gotten to a good place now. It took a lot of work, but the Bart-dog is back on the prowl!

So you may say, 'Hey Steve, what's with the monkey shines already, I mean, Chicago is not the capitol of happiness today, Whaddaya? Whaddaya?' Well a tremendous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Because, for a while, I was blamed for being the guy that stopped this city from getting a championship that they actually cared about (Technical note: A championship by the Bulls, Blackhawks or White Sox doesn’t count). But today, there aint no superbowl in our shuffle, aint no levity on the "L" Aint no monsters of this midway. No sir ree bob there is somebody else in a goat stance to-day! And it is my chief dawg in charge of keeping it wrong, Rex Grossman. In my case, I was like a super-nova, I burst on the scene and into America's living rooms (and Chi-town's livers) in a short but brilliant career. I create: Freestyle. Cal Ripken, Tony Gwinn, Dave Steib, Robin Yount, all great players, but when it comes to the playoffs, none left a more indelible mark than than Senor Testes B. Bartolicious. I was blamed for the Cubs losing. Tough break, yeah, but nobody and I mean NOBODY can put this one on anybody other than the Sex Cannon himself! I am officially out of the crucible, and that schmuck is in. Serves him right, he's probably been laid more times (but only a few) more than me, I guess karma's a bitch there Choke-man!!! (I made that up myself, I bouced it off of Richardson in purchasing and man, he damn near busted a gut!).

So just want everybody to know, that every cloud, even in Chicago, has a silver lining.

Yours truly,

Steve Bartman